Archive for April, 2017

Pick up the elf at the airport…here she comes, all small and bright…dragging her suitcases and bundled up in some crazy scarf she’s made. Drink coffee in the arrivals lounge, then catch the train to Manchester…taxi to mine…unpack, talk…get naked, fuck…she cries, says ‘I missed you so much’… talk, sleep, fuck some more….its strange and awkward after so much time apart but it’s good too…so much fire and squelch in this tiny woman…I can’t believe she’s here, in England, in Manchester, in my flat, in my bed…

A club I’ve promised her so a club it is. Seems a little crazy, first night here, her still jet lagged and me still coming to terms…but this is the only night with an event going on, during her stay. And for your first visit to a swingers club, it really has to be a ‘greedy girls’ night…or so it seems to me. Knowing what I know.

We get lost multiple times with my shitty GPS, but finally find the club. Park  on the pavement, head on in…show ID, pay, get our towels and…

First impressions are of a place that leans to the fat side. REALLY fat. Big is fine by me but some of these folk have serious health issues. less Rubinesque than Robbie Coltrane. A convention of seacows, huge and  hairy, lumbering bellies on their bellies, wasted muscles, bad posture, …one man’s body is covered in livid spots, greasy hair curling about his thick glasses. The Baron Harkonnen would not be out of place here.

In a couple of dingy side rooms, people are fucking, moaning and squirting, all soggy foopas and erections jutting out beneath guts…me and my elf exchange looks,  move deeper into the building.

In a room  done out like a dentists, a slim black guy is fucking a pretty blond women, over the dentists chair. She’s taking it from behind, so you cant tell which hole, and men are gathered round, hoping for a go…one grungy, older man with a huge, hard dick, is eyeing her powerfully, but its no go for this particular gang…the couple finish, she thanks the guy, and goes back to her boyfriend, who has appeared from the shadows.

Now elf is excited. She tracks the woman down and they start talking, Boyfriend looks like he’s not really feeling it, and I’m unsure myself. The only ground rule we set was, if either one of us isn’t into it, well…just sit back while the other has their fun.

I go to my locker, break out the little blue pills. Fuck it. There’s no time for any performance anxiety that may creep in. Not when you’ve got the nymph of your dreams, for a limited period. Cheat your way into it, with the drug that eliminates all doubts and qualms…supposedly. Sometimes I wonder. I took it at that soulless gangbang last year and could barely get through the whole dispiriting farce, fucking a woman who looked so bored she seemed always about to yawn, with a roomful of men as nonplussed as me. But that’s another story…suffice to say that when the bloods up and you feel the force, well…you don’t need no pills, the holy spirit is your guide. So to speak.

I guess my superhuman confidence has suffered some blows of late. What with the way the world is falling apart and all. Right now I just want to curl up in a ball and fall into the infinite worlds beyond my duvet. So every little helps. Take one pill, pop the other on elf girls tongue. They say it does little for women but who knows?

Into the fun room we go…

Almost immediately the two women fall on each other, fingering and kissing and sucking each others clits….blondie’s man makes some effort to fuck her, clearly not much inspired. I can’t be bothered to even pretend. This is not for me. I sit back, lying on my side on the warm rubber matting, and watch the show..

The couple leave. He looks relieved. I think she’s annoyed I didn’t dive in. Elf is really excited now, crawls over to me, climbs on. I’m inside her.  I start to feel good. Men gather at the door…she says, feel free to invite someone in…the black guy from earlier enters, and his dick is immediately in her mouth. Choking her, strings of slobber falling from her maw when she pulls away to kiss me. She goes to wipe it off but I kiss her before she can, snogging up the cockslobber… Another man has entered the room, stocky, shaven headed, white. Cautiously wanking. Over her shoulder, I signal him to come over. He rubbers up. I mouth ‘fuck her up the arse’.

‘up the arse?’ he mouths back. It’s kind of funny. ‘yes. Up the arse’. I mouth, more emphatically.  He nods, moves in. I put my lips to her ear and whisper ‘you’re going to get a cock up the arse now, darling.’ she whimpers. I look at the man- his dick is big. ‘its going to hurt’ . I hold her tight-no squirming away. She moans again, first in anticipation and then, as the guy pushes into her, in sweet pain. I can feel his shaft against mine, through the membrane of vagina/anus. His balls rub mine. She screams, a pleasure scream. So, it’s true. She walks it like she talks it, she really is that sort of girl.

She rides me and sucks black cock and takes the hard white dick up her arse and all is good in the world. The grunts and moans that say ‘this is like nothing I’ve ever known, and I like it’.  People blur, events become confused…the guy has finished with her arsehole but we both want it to take more…looking around for other guys…a lad in blue shorts, young and slim…soon, his dick is in my girlfriends mouth…the black guy, is the second to fuck her arse, his member thinner than the first man’s, but longer…at some point they swap places…and now I find myself outside of the scrum, watching her riding one guy, sucking another…blue shorts is taking a moment to get hard enough, I intervene-“me first”- get up behind my darling and shove into that fat arse where two other men’s dicks have just been, sore and wobbling, and she continues to moan…

Somehow I’m out of the picture now, she’s fucking two men- I forget which two, but both her holes are full. She asks me to get her a glass of water, so I go to the bar, return with it…I don’t know if all these guys have cum, but they’ve finished, and they leave, keaving us alone.  She wants more dick, but can’t see anyone suitable.

A woman enters the room, black and bubbly, laughing, a mob of white men around her, mostly fat guys. She doesn’t seem to discern, just happy to be gang fucked, and starts taking them all on in a merry, silly gangbang. Elf suggests I join in if I want, and I’m kind of tempted, but put off a little by the ugliness of the men…elf drifts off to look around…

Somehow the evening peters out. We don’t find anyone else to play with. I guess we’re both tired, and there’s no deluge of super-fit people to temp us back into the fray. In the locker room, I see Sinderella- that woman I was always supposed to meet, but never did, looking bedraggled and insane and nothing like her photos. A friendly scouser hears Elf’s accent and asks her if she likes Trump…the last thing you wanna think about, at a time like this…or any other. We return to our car, shag-bandy and high, and weave our way through the night, back to Manchester.

In the depths of the night, we fuck again, and it’s the best of all. Those holes she gave, to all those men, are now just for me- tumbling through the infinite worlds, beyond the duvets and blankets, time disappeared and limbs a-tangle, sweet squelches hard kisses and fistfuls of love. Cock breath kisses, slaps in the face and teeth at the throat. Welcome home, baby.

It’s not everyone’s idea of a romantic date but it sure worked for us…


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